KINSHIP CARE FAQ

How can I avoid taking bad behaviors personally?

• It may be difficult, but parenting a traumatized child may require a shift from seeing a "bad kid" to seeing a kid who has had bad things happen.

• Your grandkid may resent being separated from their parent and wish to return, even if their home situation was dangerous or unhealthy.

• Remember that kids often act out in a safe place, so although it may feel like your grandkid doesn’t love or appreciate you, their behavior actually means they feel safe enough to express frightening emotions.

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How can I show respect towards the parent struggling with substance use?

• Speaking negatively about the parent can damage the child’s self esteem.

• Encourage the understanding that addiction is a disease.

• The word “addict” creates a label and casts a shadow of stigma, as if it is the only thing that defines them. Try “struggles with a disease of addiction or with substance use disorder” instead.

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How can I help a child deal with past trauma?

• Teach and reinforce the 7 Cs:

  • I didn’t cause it

  • I can’t control it

  • I can't cure it

  • I can take care of myself by communicating my feelings, making good choices, and celebrating myself.

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How can I identify trauma triggers?

• Watch for patterns of behavior and reactions that do not seem to fit the situation.

• What distracts the child, makes them anxious, or causes a behavioral outburst?

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​How can I support resilience and self-esteem?

• Help children identify their personal strengths and resiliency. Let them know they are loved, valued, and wanted.

• Allow children to share their story, and be willing to listen.

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How can I let the child I'm caring for know that I won't give up on them?

• Use descriptive praise statements when the child does any positive behaviors.

• Plan for challenging behavior.

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How should I discipline the child I am caring for?​

• Children who have had negative life experiences may express their feelings through inappropriate behaviors such as hitting, biting,   fighting, not following rules, and constant arguing.

• Be clear and consistent about expectations and consequences for misbehavior.

• Communicate and educate ahead of events what sort of behavior is expected in public.

• Avoid physical punishment, which can worsen an abused child’s stress or panic.

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What should I do if I think the child I am caring for has medical issues, not just behavioral challenges?

• Contact a doctor if they exhibit any of the following:

  • Hyperactivity

  • Impulsivity

  • Excessive fidgeting

  • Blurting out answers

  • Difficulty waiting in line

  • Easily distractible

  • Forgetfulness

  • Failure to complete tasks

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What are some examples of consistent routines that I can provide for the child I am caring for?​

• Have dinner every night as a family

• Read a story together before bed every night

• Include children in age-appropriate household chores

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How should I help the child I am caring for feel at home?

• Encourage their input in their new home.

• Try to give each child their own private space and encourage them to decorate their new space.

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How can I help the child I am caring for feel like they are part of a community and build connections?

• Regularly attend events at the children’s schools.

• Provide them with opportunities to make new or strengthen existing friendships.

• Participate in after school adult-supervised activities for positive source of structure.